This is the sound of settling.

andtheendbegins @ 2005-02-02T03:05:00

2005-02-02T20:53:31Z

so the new journal is up...

lasttransition

so long good buddy.

it's friends only...

to be added... you gotta REALLY want it, no j/k. but comment if u do.

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-20T10:08:00

2005-01-21T05:54:24Z

i fucking hate people.
& slutty girls who want your boyfriend.
& hurt their friends.
& i hate livejournal.
& i hate AIM.
& i hate thinking way too much.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-18T10:34:00

2005-01-19T05:54:28Z

Well, I decided to retire this journal & make a new one. It just made me feel so young reading back on all my little dramatic entries about things that never really mattered. So, I think it's about time to start over fresh. My new livejournal is

lasttransition

It's not really up & running yet but it will be. I'm gunna miss the ol journal. It's almost a year old now. But I just feel like a fresh start is in order. Oh, & this one is friends only. So, I'll be adding who I want. & who actually comments.

Here's what I was working on to use as my lj background before I decided to retire this one.. thought it might be appropriate to post...

Farewell.

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-16T12:35:00

2005-01-17T07:59:41Z

Saturday was my birthday &interchangeably my 6 months with Sam. Birthday, not so great... anniversary, wonderful. I didn't spend any of my bday with my family because they're gay &bitchy. It was all spent with the love of my life (who i'll mention is also the msot amazing person ever =D). Then my rents took us out to eat tonight because they felt bad for making my bday horrible. But I still totally despise my mom for ruining my 18th birthday.

It feels nice to be 18.
Makes me wanna do something
CRAZY.
Hmmm... we'll see.

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-14T00:57:00

2005-01-14T19:42:22Z

Happy Birthday Stevie!

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-11T10:07:00

2005-01-12T04:38:15Z

I'm just going to take this little livejournal moment & say....

i love my boyfriend.
& i love how he makes me feel (take that any way you want)
He's the most amazing person EVER.
& he's just so damn cute.
it just keeps getting better. =]

& it may seem to you like im just bragging...
well, good... because I AM.
so, up yours, bitches!

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-09T11:39:00

2005-01-10T05:53:38Z

i love my life.
yayyyyyyy
& the birthday is saturday

hurrah.

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-06T11:23:00

2005-01-07T05:39:43Z

Give you the lungs to blow me away.

So, it seems like a lot has happened lately but i can't recall. I started the Dungeons & Dragons thing with Sam & it's safe to say I'm already addicted. I saw Tori a couple of times who I haven't seen in forever. I passed all waivers & exams! & uhh... hmm.

D&D is amazing. I can't wait to make my character. I'm a dork...stfu. We've played the past 2 nights in a row for around 3 hours. It's great.

mkpnegipneiogfnKELGNKLEWNGEIWGMEFPFEAW

andtheendbegins @ 2005-01-04T11:33:00

2005-01-05T05:30:53Z

I'd say I'd have to agree with this...
Girls are evil...

Good thing I'm not one.

such angst

2004-12-31T07:48:00Z

Everytime I see a "scene kid" I want to throw up everything I ate in the last 24 hours on their face. &damn, that's a lot of food.

Individuality... uh huh.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-30T09:09:00

2004-12-31T05:09:58Z

livejournal is so boring.
but i still love it...asdfjkl;.
Brenda is my hetero life mate.
stfu, you can't have her Britt.
My mom flirts with the guys at El Palenque
&I'm on a neverending quest to find out wtf el palenque means.
el... i'm half way there.
I belong in Gryffindor, damnit...
though some might argue Hufflepuff.
Asian catastrophes, a cataclysm...
the beginning of the apocalypse?
Alka Seltzer is for your stomach,
or is it?
polka dots are amazing,
trust me..theres nothing better.
I finally get my new years kiss,
for the first time ever.
& that my friends,
are the things i live for.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-28T22:11:00

2004-12-29T16:14:09Z

I hate being sick. Yuck times 12.
Sinus infection or smallpox.
I take way too much medicine.
I'm going to fuck up my only kidney.
haHA! who needs them anyway.
I can't sleep through the night anymore
dreams of bats, spiders, turtles,
& another animal I can't remember.

I'm tired of blowing my nose.
It hurtssssssss.
Blahdy blahdy blah.
im tired of writing now, too.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-24T11:59:00

2004-12-25T05:51:53Z

Hope you guys have a good one. ♥

seek truth

2004-12-22T05:36:02Z

Dear thetruth.com,

Although it is apparent that your commercials &advertisements are tools designed to ensure society's well being, I believe that the questions are mistakenly directed in the wrong direction. Why not inform future possible smokers? One question in particular "Why do you sell a product that kills your customers"? There are millions of harmful substances, even ones found under your kitchen counters, that can kill you. I don't see anyone raising their fists about Tetrafluoroethane (main ingredient in compressed air). When inhlaed it can be severely fatal. There are warning labels &ways of finding out how something will affect you &your health. The only thing your commercials prove to me are facts that I already know... Americans are too lazy to care until it's too late. &when it becomes too late, is when they blame all of their problems on something or someone, so as to never have to admit they are deserving of the consequences. You might could call this biased, coming from a smoker, but it all seems very logical to me. So, if knowing really is half the battle, then instead of wasting time interrogating the wrong people, you could be truly helping on the battle against smoking.

Sincerely,
Lauren W.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-19T02:19:00

2004-12-19T20:14:19Z

Remember, a series of unfortunate events can be steps unto the beginning of another journey.

Great movie. it made me happy.
just what i needed.

ohandilovemyboyfriendsofreakingmuchforalwaystakingmymindofdepressingthings&forbeingtheonepersonicanalwaysturntoiloveyou.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-18T00:50:00

2004-12-18T19:00:18Z

Damnit. Christmas is my favorite holiday. But I always have my mom to ruin it. The biggest hypocrite, ever. According to her I need some type of professional help, I'm never happy, I always blame my problems on someone else, I have irrational amounts of hate, I'm never home, I have no reason to think my brother gets better treatment, &I should move out & leave her my keys &make it on my own.

What on earth do I have to be happy about? Her, no. My family, what family? The holidays... they're just another day now. Everytime I see her I'm getting bitched out. I don't even hear it anymore. She doesn't notice that everything I do, my brother has done twice or more before &gotten away with it. She doesn't care about what goes on in my life just so I get good grades, graduate, clean my room, ¬ ask for money. What a life.

I told her not to get me anything for Christmas. &I'm serious. I want nothing. Unfortunately I won't be able to give any either.

I just want to have a nice Christmas &New Years. I guess that just means staying away from home, which trust me... isn't hard to do at all. I would love to go christmas shopping, &see the nutcracker, & a candle lighting service at the moravian church, &watch the snow while listening to christmas songs, & go sledding, &sit beside the fireplace with my boyfriend, &go to tanglewood to see the lights, & to be surrounded by people who aren't superficial, & aren't only concerned with MONEY, & to ring in the new years, &get my first new years kiss, &start this year off hopefully WAYYYYYY better than last year, &have a happy family who loves each other, & get excited about holidays, &doesn't tell each other their flaws &imperfections, & is filled with unconditional love.

How come that is so much to ask for?

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-15T11:06:00

2004-12-16T05:04:59Z

equals...

yay.
iloveelephantshoes.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-14T03:11:00

2004-12-14T21:05:09Z


andtheendbegins is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-13T11:02:00

2004-12-14T05:02:47Z

I just saw my first meteor shower! &ive never even seen a fallen star before. it was amazing. & cold. & beautiful.

The first one i saw was like this massive puff of fire &smoke. At first i was like WTF! Then I cried, haha. It was breath-taking to say the least. I kept telling sam "just one more". I loved it. <3

This is a night I will always remember.

I think more people should go outside &experience natures beauty. There would be more concern for the actual important things. The ones that really matter &will never go away. Like, love. I guess people have yet to figure out their priorities.. or maybe they're just fucked. Either way I consider myself to be extremely lucky to be able to experience the things I do.

I love my life right now.
LOVE it.
& I feel very fortunate to have the people &things I do.

i KNOW you want these goodies

2004-12-10T23:32:38Z

Me. Sam. Hot.
all these pics involve my tongue, bahahaha.

It's ok to be jealous, I promise.

one word...yum.
dun dun-a dun dun - dun da.
that's all folks.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-05T11:35:00

2004-12-06T05:41:14Z

I haven't been home all weekend. &I enjoyed it.
I slept through work &never called in &still havent.
CVS is gay &keeps reducing my hours.
I had three fucking hours this week so I decided to hell with that.
Who wants 16 dollar paychecks? Not I.
Job hunting allllllll this week.
DEFINITELY.
I work with nothing but a bunch of pussy ass whining bitches.
Who are lazy as fuck.
&act like they have the hardest fucking job ever.
Newsflash...CVS isn't that important.
EVERYONE TAKE YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS/BUSINESS TO WALGREENS.
Boycott...yeh.
I won't have as much money this year for christmas presents like last year... oh wait i didn't have any last year.
My list has gotten smaller though, which is good &bad.
I'm down to 4. Unless I decide to buy mom, dad, &rusty something.
This is good because I wouldn't be able to buy others much anyway.
Bad because it means I've lost connection with a lot of people.

Eh, whatev.
2& a half weeks of school till xmas break...
grrrreat.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-12-03T02:59:00

2004-12-03T21:05:24Z

birth death love hate good bad right wrong left right white black front back up down open closed clean dirty forwards backwards full empty hard soft hot cold cheap expensive giggle laugh smile cry grimace glare lick pout shout yell kiss whisper suck scream fuck lost found shallow deep order random

err. uhh.
i am happy right now.

cold weather means lots of...
cuddling
sledding
handholding
shivering
blankets
loving
hottubs
spooning
kissing
shaking
love-making. <3

andtheendbegins @ 2004-11-30T01:58:00

2004-11-30T20:01:25Z

I have strep throat.
I'm never smoking anything ever again.
I hate hurting people I love.
I hate my mom.
I hope I graduate.
I hate it when people can't trust me.
My tonsils are covered with white patches.
Gross.
I've missed so many days of school.
Waivers suck.
I need medical insurance.
I hope I can go to the doctor tomorrow.
I'm always paranoid.
I'm always worried.
I love my relationship.
I don't want to do anything to fuck it up.
I need to care for myself more.
I need to take care of myself.
I can't wait until christmas break.
I can't wait until my birthday.
I can't wait until I can move out.
As long as I have love
friends
happiness
then i have a good life.
& can't ask for anything more.

andtheendbegins @ 2004-11-22T18:45:00

2004-11-23T12:53:05Z

A rant at 6:45 in the morning...yeah.

I have had to wake up every morning so far this week screaming at the top of my lungs ¬ by choice. It just so happens that certain people I live with choose to be extremely inconsiderate towards me &do things to only benefit themselves. It's becoming very irritating especially because I'd never do that to them. It's pretty sad when the best time of my day is starting to become the time when my mom leaves for work &my brother goes to bed. It's the only time I actually get any peace.

Also, I think after you become a certain age it should just become very obvious that you need to get a job &start moving in a direction to start your own life. Pay for your own stuff. Quit being so dependent on your parents money &your parents all together.

I wish maturity &responsibility came in a pill form.
Ranting incessently won't change the world alone.

when my dreams are infected with words you used to say

2004-11-18T05:46:12Z

1.choose 20 people
2.write something about them & make them guess
(most of these people won't even read it)
guess &i'll tell u if u are right.

1.You are the most polite person i've ever met. I was a bitch & didn't talk to you for about a year. Now we're talking & hopefully getting back what we used to have.

2.You're beautiful. &my very best friend. We used to be attached. I guess we let them get the best of us. I've been there through all the fits with the countless lovers & you never treated me like everyone else. You've seem my best & my worst. I miss what we had more than you'll ever know. I miss your personality & your laugh, &how it takes you forever to pick out an outfit, &your outward dimples, & how sometimes you just don't let people get to you, & your classic style, &how no one could ever get in our way, &spending the night allllll the time, & knowing all the crazies about your family, & you kicking me in my sleep to stop the snoring, & our love for food, golden girls, movies, &our own language that no one ever understood & how driven you are. I miss you.

3.You're too scene for your own good. Girl pants are so much better on you. You're voice makes me laugh. I dye your hair.

4.Our conversations our random as fuck. & i like it that way. You squirm too much & make that sexual noise. I've always just wanted you to be happy, & I'm glad when you are.

5.Ah, my favorite of the countless lovers. Promise me you will treat her like she deserves. We bonded so well. We sang together & I hugged you. We understand her &we always aggravate her by picking on her. We are one in the same. i miss you too.

6.Gorgeous, i won't let our insecurites get the best of us. or you. Everyone loves you. You're genuine. & someone I'll never forget. We shared bad habits & our moms got the best of us, but we will succeed, i know it.

7.Who knew the best conversations could be had under a shelter in the middle of summer? You always have a cigarette & an encouraging word to say. I'm so glad you moved here & we met on the last week of junior year. even though you'd been my neighbor ever since.

8.3rd motherfuckin grade. We can't stay angry with each other. Partners in crime. I wish you weren't so worried of others opinions. & I wish you liked yourself as much as I do. I know we'll always be in each others lives. Don't let them bring you down. I'll buy you your own spelling bee pin, or steal it :)

9.You're a dork. & hyperrr. & cool. I knew i'd like you. & you're good at listening. I haven't known you for long but you make CVS fun. bussssst a move.

10.I bought you a keychain. & you're so nice to me. & you have puppy dog eyes. & i don't see how anyone would ever dislike you. we don't talk too much, but you're way cool. wish i could've known you longer.

11.You have amazing hair. I tell you this a lot. Your sarcasm pwns... a little too much. You always try to wrestle me & you win. I'm glad we met. You help anyone in every situation. & got my out of that deep ass gravel. you're so dependable, i like that.

12.My little dollar buys guy. We've known each other for longer than we even knew. I hardly see you, college suck for taking u away. I miss our summer cookout. Remember..tough guys wear pink.

13.tap tap tap. most annoying person ever. but u make me laugh so much. you seem happy, a lot. & im glad. our reidsville adventures were crazy. paddleboating at kernersville lake. i miss old times too.

14. I haven't known you for very long but you're hilarious. & ollllllllllld. 45, right? you have the best laugh. & made the perfect hooker. im glad we met. even though i did "get in the easy way".

15.You're a crazy bitch. =] We made the best garden in science. Our shows own the world. We're LJ freeeeaks. I hope you have a wonderful life.

16.I always think you hate me. You always think I hate you. But we've never talked about it. We've barely held a conversation since a long time ago. people are wrong. & we've both had the same person change our lives, even if we didn't want to admit it.

17.You're differentness is what makes you. We could be loud. We didn't care. We have the best screamo band ever, even if we have only come up with a name. Your vampire fetish is a little scary.

18.You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've never been lucky before. You love me so much, & I you. I could spend the rest of my life with you. & be perfectly happy. something hit me when you walked in the door & into my life, i haven't been the same. we will move away one day. & have a wonderful life. together.

19.We played too much duckhunt. & had bunkbeds. & you would sometimes sleep on the bottom with me because you were scared of the dark. you drew hurricane radars & we had chickenpox. we have the same eyes but completely different views. you have a short temper & blueblack hair. we watch the same movie every christmas since we were little.

20. i cant thinkkkkkk